I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
