Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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