I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
