This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
