im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
