There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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