he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
