break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
