on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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