I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
