tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
