Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
