help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
