watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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