yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
