I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
