I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
