If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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