I am puke
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
