I will die if light touches me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
