My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We left the knife in your bed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
