So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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