Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
