Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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