my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
