You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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