life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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