she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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