Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
