So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
