maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
