Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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