There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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