He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
