im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
