So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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