Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
