Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
