I just saw a hot homeless man
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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