Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
