tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
