alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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