Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
