You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
