wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
