Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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