is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
