bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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