I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
