You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
