I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
