i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
