Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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